Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
