and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
