walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
