I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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