It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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