Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
