When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
