I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
