You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
