I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
