is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
