Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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