You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he thought i was a dude.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
