I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
