Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
