I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
