you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish my penis had a tongue
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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