all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
