and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
