how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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