I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
