I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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