end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
