the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
