Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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