The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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