Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
