Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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