we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
