now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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