I think I am morally bankrupt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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