Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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