You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
