Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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