I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
