We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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