Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
