So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
