How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Small penises have feelings too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
