She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My life is pants optional.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
