OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
