WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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