I think I won the penis lottery.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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