I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
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Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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