Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
