Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
