is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
