eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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