I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am available for nakedness
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
