She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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