I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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