Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
