Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
