your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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