Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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