I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
