fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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