So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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