I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's never too late to be topless.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
