dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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