2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
