Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
