How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
