this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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