yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
