By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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