I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
