I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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