I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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