Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
