im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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