did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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