I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize