He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
