The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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