I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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