She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
