You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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