i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
